Dating Guide Part 2: How To Approach The Girl At The Bar
July 2, 2015 5165 Views

Dating Guide Part 2: How To Approach The Girl At The Bar

Following our big night out with Matchmaking agency Social Concierge a couple of weeks ago, we’ve concluded we’ve still some way to go when it comes to pinning down (phrasing) members of the opposite sex we’ve suddenly taken a poss-alcohol-fueled liking to. Social Concierge owner Nana had already agreed to give us some ongoing advice (in part possibly from watching us car crash with F3 a couple of weekends back) so this week we’ll go for a situation close to our sweatily pounding hearts:

How do you approach a girl at the bar?


“No please, do continue. This really is a fascinating anecdote. So what did you and ‘Mad Barry’ do next?”

The oldest, most-painfully-overdone in every sitcom and romcom scenario. Ask any of your friends and they’ll have at least four anecdotes of Booker-standard fiction on ‘that one time I picked up in five minutes at the bar’. There’s also an infamous book about it, called The Game, which is an incredibly useful tool designed as a signal for single women – as any man, using any of the recommended lines in that book has an IQ too low to make breeding medically safe.


“I’m sorry, it’s a nervous reaction. I always laugh when I know there’s not a chance in hell I’m going to pull….”

Unfortunately there’s something about being at a bar (probably, just maybe, linked to the vast amounts of alcohol and blowing-off-midweek-stress, we suspect) that makes it the kind of place you bump into people that you’d like to bump into again, horizontally. To help out with that, We received some pointers from dating expert Nana on how to make that approach without looking like an extra for the InBetweeners:

the dating club (6)

Nana shown here employing the anti-lunge-flowers she takes to every one of our meetings….


Like any great business negotiation you have to do two things. 1. Make it about them. 2. Flatter. 
The first response to a man approaching you in a bar is a mixture of boredom and panic. Usually, you cannot be bothered to engage in the dull cliches of flirting – ‘what brings you here?’ ‘Er, drinking…’ – so you shut down and hope you can freeze them out.  
The most successful tactics I have seen play out – on myself, clients and friends – are the ‘spot the details’ lines.
 Mention a beautiful necklace, a certain curl to their hair, an unusual fabric or pattern on a top. What women love to hear is that you’ve taken them in as a whole and noticed the minutia that goes into how we dress, behave and act as people. 
Even better, compliment our laugh, turn of phrase and odd choice of a word. Honestly, the more specific the better.
 Only once we’re comfortable, you can flirt and flatter with some comments about appearance to seal the deal. Sadly, in the past, the simple ‘Have you ever modelled?’ has worked a charm for even the most intellectual among us. Stick with ‘fashion’, not ‘commercial’, art modelling, rather than page 3. It’s linked to how women want to define their beauty and appearance – we’d rather be stunning/beautiful/artful/enigmatic than just plain FIT, or pretty. This is just semiotics but it’s vital.
And lastly, buying us a drink means nothing. But, since booze does help, instead offer us a glass out of your bottle, or a spare shot you have on a tray. It implies flirty camaraderie rather than sleazy pick ups.
Go Get Her, Champ.



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